College football has a fascinating tradition. A coach is apparently terrible right up until the moment your program needs one. Then, magically, that same coach becomes “interesting,” “worth a call,” or “a guy you at least kick the tires on.”
Enter Kalen DeBoer.
If you listen to the internet long enough, DeBoer is a fraud. Can’t recruit. Can’t handle pressure. Rode someone else’s roster. Not built for the SEC. Not a culture guy. Not intimidating enough on the sideline. Rival fans even compare him to one of their absolutely horrendous hires, calling him “Husky Harsin.” Apparently, the only thing he can do is win games, which, inconveniently, is still the job.
And yet, every single time a blue-blood job opens, guess whose name pops up first.
Not eventually. Not after the realistic options are gone. First. That’s not an accident. That’s not a coincidence. That’s the market telling you what it actually thinks while fans are busy tweeting through their emotions.
Here’s the part no one wants to admit. If Kalen DeBoer truly “sucked,” nobody would bring him up. Athletic directors don’t leak names they don’t respect. Boosters don’t daydream about bad hires. Agents don’t field quiet feeler calls for coaches who can’t do the job. This isn’t message-board recruiting. This is a results business. And the results keep ruining the narrative.
The funniest part is watching the tone shift in real time. When DeBoer is just Alabama’s coach, he’s overrated. The second he becomes a hypothetical option, suddenly context matters. Suddenly, the win-loss record gets pulled up. Suddenly, people remember that development, organization, and not lighting your program on fire actually matter. Amazing how that works.
What’s really happening is simple. People confuse style with substance. They want a coach who looks the part, sounds the part, and wins press conferences. DeBoer doesn’t sell smoke. He sells competence. And competence doesn’t go viral, but it absolutely gets noticed by the people who sign the checks.That’s why the “he sucks” crowd never shuts up, and the decision-makers never stop calling. Bad coaches don’t make short lists. They don’t cause panic. They don’t trigger denials and public statements. They quietly disappear into analyst roles and buyouts. DeBoer does the opposite. He stays employed, stays winning, and stays relevant enough that fanbases get nervous when his name comes up.
So let’s be honest for five seconds. Nobody actually believes Kalen DeBoer is bad. They just don’t want him beating their team or leaving theirs. Everyone knows his record speaks for itself. And that’s why the moment a job opens, the same people who told you he wasn’t good enough suddenly can’t stop talking about him.
Funny how that works
Oh and also, get absolutely fucked Michigan, he aint going.